Paper Wings
by Just A Realistic Dreamer
Summary: As his train carried him away from the only place he had ever called home, he could only think that perhaps he should have given her paper wings instead. - Somewhat LaviLena, companion to Paper Flowers


_Tada! Here is the much awaited (I like to think so, anyway XD) kind-of-sequel-to-Paper-Flowers-that's-really-more-a-companion-since-it-does-happen-before…-does-that-make-it-a-prequel? thing. _

_Anyway, don't mind me; I ate too much sugar… Yesterday x) It made me unable to sleep so I'm pretty tired right now…_

_Okay, okay, I'm shutting up. _

_**Paper Wings **_

He gazed lazily at the scenery as his train sped away from the Black Order's Headquarters. It could have been merely another mission, just a few days long trip… it would have been, had his mentor not decided that they had stayed long enough within the organization. He reached for his hammer, as he had long ago developed the habit to twirl it when he was thoughtful, but his fingers only closed over air.

Of course. He had left his Innocence behind to avoid Falling.

Because he was a traitor now… Still, he felt oddly powerless without the weapon he had come to rely on.

He suppressed a shiver and turned his eye to Bookman.

"You don't look well, Junior."

Junior. Not Lavi.

He shrugged and closed his eye, leaning back into his seat.

"You could have stayed."

The smirk on his face was far from joyful, and he knew it had been a long time since his voice had been filled with such cynicism.

"You trained me too well for that."

Because in the end, he was still a Bookman.

The old man didn't reply, and the ex-Exorcist was left free to think about the friends and comrades he had just abandoned. Granted, it was his fault he had gotten attached so much, but he couldn't help feeling bitter.

And even though he tried not to, he couldn't help thinking about _her_, either. And thinking about this last, silly gift he had left at her door. It had been a desperate attempt to leave her something more than memories. Because ordinary people's (not that she was anything close to ordinary) memories faded.

It was somewhat unfair, that he would remember the exact shade of her purple eyes long after she had forgotten what his voice had sounded like, or how he laughed.

He shouldn't have given her flowers. Flowers were for funerals, for thanks or other various occasions, but for farewells?

Maybe they would see each other again, someday. He wasn't actually sure whether that would be good or bad. Surely it was better if she remembered him as Lavi, fellow Exorcist and friend than as a heartless future Bookman?

Perhaps he should have given her paper wings, instead. As a tribute to her ability to fly, and to remind her that if she pushed herself to much, she would fall as surely as if her wings had been made of paper. And what would happen to her then, now that he wasn't there to catch her anymore? (Sure, sure, Yuu or Allen or anyone else would gladly have taken care of it, but he couldn't help being worried)

He remembered well the day he had realised that she was not invincible.

_It had been an ordinary mission, __though his first one without Bookman, and it had gone fairly well. They had retrieved the Innocence without having to fight much, and he would have been content to return to the Head Quarters. There was an impressive library, and he still had a lot of work to do_

_Lenalee made a few attempts to start a conversation while they went back to the inn and he replied with empty smiles and false cheerfulness. He didn't feel like testing his acting skills, but he knew better than to let his carefully constructed mask of friendliness slip. _

_He attempted to lead her towards the subject of the ones she called her family, because, he had learnt it quickly enough, it was her favourite subject and perhaps the only way to keep her talking for a long time. _

_She had been in the middle of explaining why __the science department was perpetually doing overtime when they were attacked by a dozen of Akumas. The ambush had taken both of them by surprise, and neither wasted time activating their Innocences to fight. _

_He knew she was a capable Exorcist, and didn't bother checking on how she was doing too often (not when he had his own unruly Innocence to tame). But even his own aloof mind couldn't help being stunned by the graceful way she fought. He thought it was a shame that particular information wasn't one that needed to be recorded. _

_He barely heard her pained cry as he brought his hammer to the ground, squashing an Akuma, and then raised his head in time to see her get knocked unconscious. He stopped to think then, and forgot his bystander status, rushing to catch her before she hit the ground. _

_He laid her carefully on the ground, suddenly surprised by how young and frail she looked. It was easy to forget she was two years younger than his sixteen years old, because of her ease on the battlefield. Frowning, he summoned a fire seal to finish off the remaining demons._

_She had thankfully not been poisoned, so he brought her back to their room and tended to her minor wounds until she woke up. _

"…_You saved me."_

_She seemed thoughtful, and he shrugged, honestly embarrassed. _

"_It's nothing, really."_

_She just smiled at him._

"_Thank you."_

_He sent__ a weak grin in return._

"_Anytime."_

It had been the first of a long series of narrow catches and near-death experiences, but he had never failed to catch her, never left her behind even when she begged him to. Until now. 

He was kind of glad he hadn't broken down yet (okay, maybe he had cried a bit. But then again, he cried a lot when it was about her). In fact, he was a lot more composed than he had thought he would be… It was like Allen's "death" all over again. Except that, well, no one was dead. And that he was the one leaving them all, the one causing her pain.

Not that it was really his fault. How could he have let Bookman leave alone, knowing he was the only thing the old man had (there were books too, all right, but books were soon memorized)? Knowing that he wasn't as young as he had been and that there was no way he would have time to find and train another apprentice? How _could _he have given up everything he had worked for (could all these sleepless nights spent memorizing, copying, reading… All these days spent watching as people were murdered and houses burned to the ground have been for nothing?), even for them, even for her?

He hoped that she would understand. Yuu and Allen would probably be angry (how he would miss those two idiots…). The others would surely be confused… And Komui would most likely have known about it. But if she didn't understand, if she hated him, well… Maybe it would be just as well. Maybe she wouldn't be too sad then. But it _hurt _to think she could hate him. That wasn't good.

"L- Junior."

Ha. The old man had slipped up and nearly called him Lavi. He would have laughed, teased him about his failing memory, had he been in the mood. Instead, he pretended not to have heard, and his mentor pretended not to know he knew. Their train had stopped. He grabbed his suitcase, slung it across his shoulder, and followed Bookman outside.

It was a beautiful, cloudless spring day, and it felt like the sky was mocking him. And it irked him more than it should have, because he could have changed that annoying weather, however briefly, had he still been in possession of his hammer.

He glanced back in the direction where he knew the Black Order's headquarters, the first and last place he had called home, was located, and sighed. He knew that by accepting to leave the Order, he had agreed to fall back into his role as a Bookman apprentice. Had agreed to become nameless, heartless, lifeless once more.

That was how he rolled. First, he had to find a name then a personality, and there was a new alias. Only, well, "Lavi" had lived much longer than its predecessors. Had the occasion to know, really know, people. Became biased. Made friends. Fell in love.

And the trouble was, while Bookmen discarded lives, names or friends as easily as they changed clothes, they didn't forget. Because, after all, they were watchers, recorders. What good was a recorder who couldn't remember?

And now his memories were filled with smiling faces, stupid experiences, pointless arguments and a thousand other useless things in between the dates of important battles. There were a hundred tired smiles after a long battle, and the warm feeling of knowing someone had your back. There were a few tears shed for him, too, and the knowledge that someone, somewhere, had genuinely cared for him… For Lavi, anyway.

So, even if he had wanted to, he couldn't have gone back to hating humanity and everything it was about. Because they were more than ink on paper. Staying impartial would be more difficult, but if he had been able to fight a level four Akuma with a rusted pole, he could certainly do it. He _was_ a Bookman, after all. Or at least, he did his best to be one.

So he silently bade farewell to his forty-ninth self, and hoped that Lenalee Lee would take care of her paper wings.

_Just one left now!_

_I hope Lavi's n__ot too OOC… I've honestly no idea of how he would react if he left the Order XD, so I guessed it would be like that. _

_And it's not _really _LaviLena, since it's just mentioned… Oh, well._

_Please review? _


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